Writing Task 1 exercise 3: Number of parcels delivered by two major mail services companies from 1920 to 2000
Writing Task 1
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
The diagram below gives information about the number of parcels delivered by two major mail services companies from 1920 to 2000.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
Write at least 150 words.
Band 7:
The given line graph reflects the differences between Federal Express and TNT Mail Services which are two major mail companies, in terms of the number of parcels delivered.
Overall, FedEx experienced dramatic fluctuations and delivered more parcels than TNT during most of the period, before TNT figures increased to a peak in 1990 and overtook FedEx.
In 1920, FedEx delivered about 15 thousand parcels, which was around three times higher than the number handled by TNT. The figure increased steadily to a peak of around 24,000 in 1940 before falling sharply to approximately 12,500 in 1950, and then declining slightly to roughly 12,000 in 1960. However, the number later recovered, reaching around 17,000 in 1970 and approximately 18,500 in 1980, before stabilising at just over 18,000 in the final two decades.
In contrast, TNT began with a much lower figure, at just over 5,000 parcels, but increased gradually to around 12,000 in 1960. After fluctuating slightly between 1960 and 1970, the number rose steadily, reaching about 24,000 in 1990 and finally almost 25,000 in 2000.
Improve to band 9:
| Your Writing | Improved Version | Type of Improvement | Reason |
|---|---|---|---|
| The given line graph reflects the differences between Federal Express and TNT Mail Services which are two major mail companies, in terms of the number of parcels delivered. | The line graph compares the number of parcels delivered by two major mail companies, Federal Express (FedEx) and TNT Mail Services, between 1920 and 2000. | Vocabulary & Structure | Compares is the standard IELTS verb. Removed given and simplified the sentence. Added the time period for clarity. |
| FedEx experienced dramatic fluctuations and delivered more parcels than TNT during most of the period, before TNT figures increased to a peak in 1990 and overtook FedEx. | FedEx delivered more parcels than TNT during most of the period and experienced considerable fluctuations. By contrast, TNT showed a generally upward trend and eventually surpassed FedEx around 1990. | Vocabulary & Cohesion | Split the long sentence for clarity. Added By contrast for comparison. Surpassed is more academic. |
| which was around three times higher than the number handled by TNT | which was roughly three times higher than the figure recorded by TNT | Academic vocabulary | Figure recorded by sounds more formal and natural in reports. |
| The figure increased steadily to a peak | The number rose steadily to a peak | Verb variety | IELTS Band 9 writing avoids repeating increase too often. |
| roughly 12,000 | about 12,000 | Natural phrasing | Improves sentence rhythm and readability. |
| However, the number later recovered | It then recovered | Cohesion | Keeps the timeline smooth and avoids unnecessary connectors. |
| TNT began with a much lower figure | TNT started at a much lower level | Collocation | Lower level is a more natural collocation in data description. |
| increased gradually | rose gradually | Vocabulary variety | Stronger trend verb for Task 1 writing. |
| finally almost 25,000 | finishing at nearly 25,000 | Academic tone | More formal and typical in data reporting. |
| After fluctuating slightly between 1960 and 1970 | After a slight dip in 1970 | Precision | Describes the data trend more accurately and concisely. |
Example band 9:
The line graph compares the number of parcels delivered by two major mail service companies, Federal Express (FedEx) and TNT, between 1920 and 2000.
Overall, FedEx delivered significantly more parcels than TNT during the first half of the period. However, TNT experienced a dramatic increase towards the end and eventually surpassed FedEx by 1990. While FedEx’s figures fluctuated considerably, TNT showed a generally upward trend over time.
In 1920, FedEx delivered approximately 15,000 parcels, compared with just over 5,000 parcels handled by TNT. FedEx’s deliveries increased steadily to a peak of around 24,000 in 1940. However, this figure fell sharply to about 12,500 in 1950 and declined slightly further to roughly 12,000 in 1960. After that, the number recovered, reaching around 17,000 in 1970 and approximately 18,500 in 1980, before stabilising at just over 18,000 in the final two decades.
By contrast, TNT began at a much lower level of about 5,500 parcels in 1920 but rose gradually to nearly 8,000 by 1940. After remaining relatively stable in 1950, the figure increased to around 11,500 in 1960. Although it dipped slightly in 1970, deliveries grew again to about 11,000 in 1980 before surging dramatically to over 22,000 in 1990 and finishing at roughly 24,500 in 2000.
